“Are you really okay?”

There are so many ways i can answer this question.
I know for a fact that i am physically not okay.
I am not sure if I am mentally drained or exhausted.
But….. I don’t know how my emotional side is dealing with things.
My friend asked me that question.
He looked me in the eye and asked me.
I broke down. I couldn’t help it.
I’m happy.
Happy.
Yes things could be better but….
I have to accept that this is as good as it’s going to get.
I like you… A lot. Even more now. And it sucks.
Why? What made me like you more?
I think it’s cause of the fact that you are so strong and i look up to you.
I think it’s also cause even though i am a really malabo person and i hardly give emotion away, you still care and you’re still here.
I think it’s cause of how i still don’t know the reason why i’m always scared of what you would think. May it be about eating or my stories about guys.
I don’t think i should stop talking to you.
I’m used to talking to you.
Even if it still hurts knowing that you won’t ever feel the same, i still have to talk to you.
Why do i want myself to go through that?
It will be harder to go through life not having someone i can confide to.
It will be harder if i lost the person i trust the most.
It will be harder to not have someone i can be my own weird, pathetic and vulnerable self.
I’m not making any sense now.
I know.
It’s almost 2am. I better try sleeping now.

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