The truth is that there will be people in life who come to you and want to love you even though you’re broken, and maybe especially so. It seems so far-fetched if you haven’t seen it first-hand, but it happens. Because nobody really wants to love a perfect person anyway. People fall in love with the little pieces that were broken off along the way– the pieces in which they see as approachable, and admirable, and human. Someone who loves you will want to fold themselves into the parts of you that are empty, and to show you that they’re not forgotten after all. It’s only ever a matter of how much we allow our brokenness to be infiltrated, and whether or not we learn to see ourselves as worthy regardless.
I understand that if we wait for someone to make us happy, we’ll probably be waiting forever, and of course there are all those ideas of manifestation and attraction and all that hippy-dippy stuff that leads us to the probable (and usually legitimate) conclusion that we do, indeed, need to “make ourselves whole” first. But the truth is how many of us are ever really entirely healed, and is there a way any person can really get through all of life harboring an unfailing love for themselves? I don’t think so, and I don’t even think it’s something that should be striven for. I think that’s a waste of time, because I think the point is to learn to love despite it, or even because of it.
I think it’s only ever a matter of finding someone whose scars align with yours like little puzzle pieces, someone who understands what it was like when you were (are) hurting, and not just what it means for them that you are in some ways broken.
Someone who really loves you will see your problems not as things that make you lesser, damaged goods, but as important indicators that you will understand when they’re hurting, and you feel enough and care enough and are capable enough of being completely engulfed in something that it had the overhead to hurt you that badly. Even when we’re hesitant to return to those deep waters, knowing they’re there can be the most attractive part of someone. That kind of capability to love is rare.
Sure, we can’t wait for someone else to make us happy, but what about when those people come knocking at our door and we aren’t waiting, but we aren’t happy on our own either? How much of the choice to delay relationships in these situations is the genuine desire to love ourselves first and how much of it is just another acting excuse to put off love again? Because that’s what happens at the end of the day.
Very few people actually reach the point of complete satisfaction before they fall into relationships– or ever, really. And the idea of being happy and perfect are so subjective anyway. They’re these emblems to strive for, yet another one of society’s ploys to make sure we conform to submissive obedience and I don’t know, a consumerism of sorts.
The part that nobody seems to acknowledge is that we don’t have to be healed to be happy. And even if we aren’t ever entirely healed, it’s the happiness we take in the parts of ourselves that are that people fall in love with, and the admittance of that, the acknowledgement that there’s more to grow with: that’s how people start to grow together.
There’s something particularly beautiful about the people that love us even though we’re not always worth loving. People who don’t back away when we’re at our lowest and most unworthy but instead step up and hold our hands and understand how we feel, because they’re human too. Love is never not going to be messy, because people are messy and feelings are even more-so. But all of that is worth it, I think, because the takeaway is that we knew to choose something far greater than the alternative.