James

James
Hearing that name…. Well it shows a softer side of me.
I may look strong, stubborn, heartless when it comes to a lot of stuff but I am a big softie when it comes to my little brother.
He is my best friend.
I know i can turn to him when i need to rant.
He’s my 12 year old counter part.
He can make me smile and at the same time push my buttons to the point that i already am over the edge.
But no matter how often or intense our fights are, i’ll always be his big sister.
I just realized i’ve never really written of anything like this here.
It’s 12:30. I can’t sleep.
My brother’s sick.
His fever spiked up.
You have to rest.
Mom and Dad are leaving in two days for a vacation.
They deserve a break from everything. I don’t want them to have to stay here.
I also can’t leave you here and stay at the condo for finals.
Ugh.
Please feel better baby boy.

Pathetic

That’s how i feel right now.
You know, I was about to ask you something earlier.
I stopped myself.
Why?
Well, I guess my pride wouldn’t let me say it.
I was going to ask if you wanted to try it out again. If we can un-call it. Whatever this is. Cause i still think it’s worth the risk.
But…. I guess that’s far from what you want right?
But thank you. Talking to you made my day.
Even if i had to force myself to smile and be happy around other people.

I fell asleep for an hour.
I woke up close to tears.
I can’t sleep tonight.
The memory i can’t seem to erase is replaying on loop in my dreams.
It’s a fucking nightmare.

I’m Sorry

I’m sorry for a lot of things.
I’m sorry for not eating right.
I’m sorry for making things complicated.
I’m sorry for not knowing my limits.
I’m sorry for pushing too far.
I’m sorry for screwing this up.
I’m sorry for not trying harder to make this work.
I’m sorry for making things go too fast.
I’m sorry for having a hard tine accepting this.
I’m sorry if I can’t apologize in person or through text or anywhere.
I’m sorry if I had to link you to my blog just so you can read my apology.
I’m sorry for not being good enough.
I’m sorry for everything.
This is all my fault.
But guess what…. I’m not sorry this happened.
I don’t regret trying it out.
It made have made a dent in our relationship but…
You made me genuinely happy in a week. Why would I regret something that made me smile, right? So thank you.

Password

The password to some of my blog post is my favorite animal. I don’t know if you’ll see this animal in the north or south pole, but i’m sure this animal can be found in a cold climate.